Learning not all people have your best interest is a huge wake up call for someone who is naive to the reality of this world, I was that person and I learned that lesson the hard way.
A kind heart will be picked apart by people who have bad intentions and who seize the opportunity, not many people know this and should be aware that you can’t trust everyone. It’s okay though to be kind but there comes a point where a line can be overstepped and then it is no longer okay.
So this is me telling my story, reflecting on my situation and sharing what I learned and am grateful for, hopefully this can help someone who may be going through something similar or maybe have already gone through it and was able to move forward.
Early 2017 I ended up meeting someone who I thought was the “perfect” person, someone who had the same views on things that were really important to me such as faith & deciding that alcohol and drugs were not necessary. These two of many things are very important to me and so that made him more attractive.
From the jump he was liked by everyone it seemed, but conflict ended up happening so fast. My cousin was also super interested in him as well and that caused some problems for us in the present and that would eventually escalate further on down the line.
So he ended up adding both of us on social media only to find out soon that not only was he involving himself with me but he was also doing the same with my cousin, flirting and all, but of course neither one of us were going to budge (STUPID I know) not to mention we ignored a huge red flag!
One night in particular I wasn’t busy and was relaxing when I got a message asking if I wanted to hang out and talk, so I said yes. Mind you all that it was like 2 am. Red Flag. We ended up hooking up after having a conversation for like half an hour, it was great, whatever, right? So the next day he was being flirty with me but also with my cousin still. So I confessed to her what happened and she didn’t care and from there she kinda backed off but he still kept pursuing her so we confronted him. He then denied EVERYTHING me and him did that night and said he would never. He made me feel crazy and I was so upset. By this time it would have been smart to drop this person but I liked him still like an idiot and was willing to look past this.
We were told by him that he put us through his “test” which is absolutely fucking crazy because manipulating two girls like puppets is not okay let alone sane. He wanted to see which one would be worth it basically, telling us things knowing we were relying the information on to one another and causing drama.
Two months knowing this person, I’m still sprung and investing time with him almost every day, talking and getting to know each other and me trying to make excuses for the crazy/weird behavior from him and then he tells me he never really liked me and told me he wanted my cousin from the jump…but…then…why?..would he even waste time with me in the first place?!
My cousin ended up removing herself completely from this situation (smart girl) and I tried to do the same until he started showing interest in me and got my attention again, thinking that something might happen with him and that I could change him. This decision right here was a bad idea and of course I ended up back in the same shitty situation, the only difference being it getting worse.
We were on and off so much, both were sexually involved more and also friends at the same time but something wasn’t right to me and I didn’t listen to my intuition. For a whole four months he drained me emotionally and mentally. I do blame him for being a shitty person after everything but I should also blame myself, which I do because it was my fault for choosing to ignore all of the red flags and continue putting myself through all of this nonsense.
I still stayed in the cycle of casual sex, him being very manipulative by telling me (even though we weren’t dating AT ALL) that I am being a hoe basically by hanging out with my guy friends, I’m a liar and me not telling him things and him finding out for himself (one example I went out to eat with two of my guy friends and one of my girl friends and afterward we hung out did homework) he would give me false hope by telling me “well you know what Brooke you had a chance with me but I can’t trust you and you ruined it” and I would try to prove to him/redeem myself. He knew I wanted to give us a shot but he would remind me that he didn’t like me anymore than just friends but yet he was being so possessive, it just didn’t make any sense to me.
I was trying to distance myself from him and I began having casual sex with another guy months later and he found out because we had got in an argument and the subject of him not wanting anything to do with me so I found another thing to jump into, mind you we were never dating and he just blew up on me and told me that “I lied to him the whole time” “I basically lost his trust”. Yet he managed in between that time to have a girlfriend and like a normal person it was none of my business because we weren’t involved anymore so I NEVER questioned him at all.
I wanted to seek help and ask for some advice because I have never had to deal with someone like this before so I was asking friends and my cousin, people told me he was no good and I knew this already. Well he didn’t even want me explaining our “situation/dysfunctional whatever we were” to anyone because I made him look like a bad person and he didn’t want to be perceived as that. I felt as though I was stuck because every little thing I did was wrong and he really was able to control me like a puppet. It was very frustrating for me and I knew what I needed to do I just couldn’t do it. I would always be fixated on how sweet he could be, all the cute things he said when he wanted to, the way he made me feel comfortable, all the time we spent together I felt so close to him. It was all a part of his little scheme though because he knew as long as I was around he had someone who was willing to do anything for him, which I did. I gave him food, sex, a place to stay at one point.
My breaking point was over the summer, “I hadn’t been there for him” even though he spent some time with me and I WAS there for him. I actually though he was changing for the better, the week he spent with me was great. It made me think maybe there’s a reason why he keeps coming into my life. I know the reason now of course.
The last conversation I had with him over the phone consisted of him yelling at me, making sure to tell me how bad of a person I am, that I am a lair, I am a weak person for being so easily upset and vulnerable, I need to work on myself, and he wants nothing to do with me. He managed to turn everything I had tried to talk to him about on me making me seem like it was all my fault. He made me actually believe these things. I was so upset for weeks and was trying to figure out what I did wrong.
I finally realized that he is toxic and has some things he needs to work out. There is an explanation as to why he had been doing the things he was doing and saying all those things, he is a manipulative person. I truly do believe that he needs some help and maybe he can change if he really wants to but you can never change a person no matter how hard you try, it is a self-will thing.
What I took away from all of this is that first off if your gut instinct is telling you something, you NEED to listen to it. There is a reason why things may not feel all too right and you shouldn’t push those feeling aside. Second if you are unhappy no one is worth sacrificing your well-being and happiness, easier said than done but with baby steps or right away depending on the person, you can remove someone from your life! Third not everyone has your best interest so be careful who you let in and get comfortable with, you want to make sure they are a positive addition in your life. Fourth, no matter what don’t listen to anyone that’s trying to tear you down, if someone is being verbally abusive shut it down. Fifth seek help if you think someone is being manipulative because a situation like that can have many negative outcomes. Don’t be afraid to talk to someone!
I hope posting this can help someone out who may need it. Your life is too short to be wasting it on negativity.